Q & A

Why should we come to your event?  What is the benefit?

 There’s a really simple reason for this: safety and security.  It's a Secret is extremely devoted to ensuring everyone has a wonderful time in our venue! If you are new to the community It's A Secret is the place to go! We have a wealth of information and tons of experienced people that will gladly talk with you.  Not only that we are an established business of 4 years with a single owner and several knowledgeable Volunteers that will help you to feel safe and comfortable!  Another perfect benefit of coming to It's A Secret is that we truly strive to be pressure free, acceptable venue for all body types and ages. There is never, ever an obligation to join in any activity! If it doesn’t feel absolutely right simply say no. Lots of couples attend event parties simply to observe, and this is the best way to learn. 

   It’s standard practice in the lifestyle to meet potential partners for drinks before any other encounters, but even these meetings can be awkward.  At least at an event  you can offer a polite refusal and speak to someone else instead. Definitely do not invite partners to your home before meeting them.​  The next big benefit is even though we do charge for our events it is still a hell of a lot cheaper than any bar tab! 

Some places have strict drug policies, what about yours?
We have a strict drug policy as well. Recreational drugs are not permitted in The venue at ANY time. This policy is NON-NEGOTIABLE! You will be asked to leave if you are found to have illegal drugs on your person. The only exclusion to this policy is PRESCRIPTION medicine carried in a clearly marked prescription container that has your name and  current date on it.

Are there any age restrictions for membership?
 Yes, we kindly ask that all members and guests be at least 21 years old to attend ANY of our events. Proper ID may be asked for or required for any event. 

Do you allow single men at the club? If you do, are there a lot of them?
 Yes, we do allow WELL GROOMED, WELL MANNERED, COURTEOUS, AND RESPECTFUL single men to attend events. It's a Secret has a ZERO tolerance policy for inappropriate behavior. We also currently do not offer memberships to single men. All Single males must  contact Joe @ 505-750-3977 to attend any event.

 ​

How many people are coming to the party?
There is not a way to know for sure before an event begins, how many will be in attendance.  It really depends on the night, on the theme & what else might be going on around town. Our doors are open till 2AM so we do have guests arriving anywhere between 9PM & 1AM all night, with most present by 11:30 or 12. 

​We are completely new, can we attend and do we have to participate?
 Of course you can attend! We think It's A Secret as a safe relaxed environment to get your feet wet. It is a place for open minded adults to come and enjoy each other. You are welcome no matter what your sexual interests are. We have many people who attend simply to enjoy the atmosphere we offer, nothing more. You will never be pressured into participating in anything that makes you uncomfortable.  We will hold  "ice breaker games" or silly contests to help everyone get to know each other but you will never be pressured at anything! We want everyone to have fun and feel comfortable at the club. If at any time you feel pressured or uncomfortable, let us know immediately and we will do our best to remedy the situation.

Why is it so hard to find a single female to join us?

The answer to this question is fairly simple: supply and demand. There just aren't many single females in the lifestyle. Most females that are in the lifestyle are half of a couple and many couples don't like to split up to play. The other side of the problem is that single females (bi in particular) are the most sought after portion of the swinging population. While there are more than enough single males to go around, most single females either don't know about the lifestyle or just aren't interested. Most of those that are involved in the lifestyle were brought in by a previous boyfriend or husband.

So are the couples who want a single female completely out of luck?
Don't give up, and consider opening your options. If you are looking for a single female to play mainly with the female half of your couple, then perhaps you could look for a couple with a bi-female and a husband who doesn't mind watching. But remember, this won't be fun for long... eventually people start to feel like they are being left out, of course that doesn't mean you have to swap partners. You could always let the women play together then when they are done the guys can enjoy their own partners. However, if you are looking for a female so that you can have a threesome, then you will just have to be patient. It happens but you may have to wait a while.
 

 What should I wear?
Dress  clean and  comfortable! If you are uncomfortable or nervous then the night may not be all that it can be. Coming to one of our events is like going out for the night.  You can be as sexy or risqué as you want. Dress to what makes you comfortable. 

 Does the club provide condoms and lube?
No we do not offer personal care items.  It is highly recommended that every and all attending  bring their own condoms, lube, toys, towels, wipes, and robe.
 

Can you be a single and a swinger?
Yes a swinger is just a 1970 term that now is more considered a lifestyler or a swingle.
 

Terminology

7/18/2016

​Vanilla – someone who is not in the Lifestyle.
Unicorn – a single female who enjoys having sex with couples.
Bi-curious – someone who is interested in exploring their bisexuality, but hasn't yet had the chance.
Bi-comfortable – they finally had the chance, and discovered that while they are comfortable with it they really just prefer playing with the opposite sex.
Bi-sexual – someone who enjoys sexual play with people of both genders.
Soft swap – a couple who likes to play, but draws the line somewhere short of intercourse. This covers a very broad spectrum, as a "soft swap" couple might limit themselves to just touching, or they might be okay with and enjoy oral sex, just not vaginal sex. Communication is critical so everyone understands the limits.
Full swap – intercourse included!
Same Room – Couples who only play in the presence of their significant other, with everyone having sex in the same room, even if with other people. This is the majority, but certainly not all, of the couples in the lifestyle.
Voyeurism – The act of watching others have sex.
Exhibitionism – The act of having sex in front of others.
Fetish – a strong, erotic urge to a particular thing or action. Some people are uncontrollably turned on by a specific body part (e.g. feet), others by a particular scent, others still be a special costume, and some by a certain form of sex or physicality.
Play – to engage in sexual activity is to "play". If someone asks if you want to play, they don't mean cards.
Meet & Greet – a gathering of swingers at an off-premise location, where you can meet others in the lifestyle.  These are free and there is no play.
Takeover – when a group of lifestylers pay to secure 100% of a facility for a swinger party or event. No vanilla people are allowed at the facility during a takeover.
DP – double penetration. Some girls experience intense pleasure by having two guys at the same time, one anally and the other vaginally.
Naturist – a nudist, and probably not a swinger. Just because someone likes to get naked doesn't mean they are comfortable with their sexuality.
On-Premise/Off-Premise – simply says whether sexual activity is permitted at the facility. On–premise clubs have areas where people can play, off-premise clubs don't.
MFM – Male / Female / Male 3-some.
FMF – Female / Male / Female 3-some.
BDSM -a form of personal relationship centering around activities that are erotic but may not be sexual, and which may include the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play.​

What if...

​​What if I want to touch someone?
Just ask – “Is it OK if I touch you?” If it’s a couple, be sure to get approval from BOTH partners before touching the one you’re interested in.
​
​What if I DO want to play with someone — how do I ask?
​If you’ve been chatting for a while and you’re wondering how to proceed, just ask: “My wife (husband, partner) and I were wondering if you’d like to play with us” or “We’re really attracted to you both, would you like go have some fun?” or even just “Wanna go play?”
 

​What Happens if I say "NO"
Respect other people’s feelings. Not everyone at the party will be an experienced swinger. Some people may be nervous and shy. Don’t be rude when saying NO. It is your right to say NO to anyone, but do it with tact. Be polite.
 

What if someone tells me "No" or "Maybe Later"?
Don’t be pushy and try to manipulate others to your will. If someone says NO to you don’t take it personally. There are numerous reasons why they might be saying NO. But asking “why?” is inappropriate.  Also remember Maybe still means NO.
 

​What if someone touches me that I don’t want to?
If it is accidental contact that was not in the control of the person please consider it as accident.  If it is not accidental it is definitely NOT OK for someone to touch you without your OK – this is a consensual adult activity. Don’t feel uncomfortable about saying, “No thank you” and/or removing the person’s hand. If the same person touches you again, be firm or let your partner indicate you’re not interested. Also, feel free to speak with any of our staff.  It is important for us to know immediately that a rule has not been followed so we can address it quickly.  Without being notified the person touching without permission is basically being given permission to just do what ever they want and not follow the rules.  It ruins the experience for everyone.